Ksatria Tanpa Tahun Baru

: untuk mereka yang tak tahu ini malam tahun baru

ini malam tahun baru
di mana seharusnya kau:
duduk manis di beranda rumah
bercengkrama dengan keluargamu
atau pula tidur saja di ranjangmu

ini malam tahun baru
tak seharusnya kau:
masih sibuk menyapu jalanan
masih mengejar setoran
berjualan terompet
sibuk mengatur lalulintas
menunggu jenazah datang

ini malam tahun baru
inilah seharusnya kau:
menikmati jagung bakar
menyaksikan televisi yang menunggu jam 12
menonton aksi selebriti di Monas
pergi dengan kekasihmu

ini malam tahun baru
tak seharusnya kau:
mengejar laba terompetmu
mengobati mereka yang terluka karena petasan
mencari nafkah untuk anakmu

ini malam tahun baru
dan aku tahu kau tak merayakannya
tidak tahu harus seperti apa
dan bagaimana cara merayakannya

selamat tahun baru untukmu, meski tak ada perayaan bagimu...



Jakarta, 31 Desember 2010 | 23.24
A.A. - dalam sebuah inisial

Fragmentaris

satu cerita,
ia memiliki kisahnya sendiri
meski di dalam sunyi, berderu sakit
meski di dalam hening, ia butuh sendiri
entah pagi, siang, atau malam
: butuh berlindung, sebelum lekas pergi

satu cerita
ia memiliki waktunya sendiri
kalau memang masih ada peluang kecil
yang masam atau manis
dan ada kalanya ia tak perlu dikecap
dan dibiarkan pergi

satu cerita
ia memiliki tafsir sendiri
kadang ia memang harus dikenang
kadang pula ia dibiarkan pergi
kadang juga dilepas
dan diamkan saja
sampai angin yang membawanya menghilang

Jakarta, 30 Desember 2010 | 20.23
A.A. - dalam sebuah inisial

Gol

"goool"
teriak mereka
bola bersarang di gawang
aku memungutnya
kami memang tidak juara
tapi kami menang
kami menang di hati kami



Jakarta, 29 Desember 2010 | 23.24
A.A. - setelah menyaksikan siaran bola

Empat Ceritera Musim denganmu

Satu...

Mari buat kesepakatan tentang musim semi yang akan meninggalkan kita. Musim semi akan datang tahun esok, maka biarkanlah ia pergi dengan membawa seribu kenangan di antara keping-keping mozaik yang telah kita susun rapi. Menyimpannya dalam kotak kenangan dan membiarkannya menjadi misteri di hari esok. Karena kita masih memiliki jalan dan kisah yang harus dijalankan sebagaimana mestinya. Hari memang harus silih berganti, pagi memang harus selalu datang, dan kita siap dan tidak siap harus menghadapinya. Kembali menyusun ceritera dan soal itu, nanti sajalah...

Dua...

Mari lagi-lagi kita buat kesepakatan tentang rahasia di musim gugur yang tetap setia untuk datang. Walau sudah kita kisahkan beribu macam tentang cinta dan asa, tetapi masih jutaan episode yang harus disusun agar terancang dengan rapi. Kita mesti berkelana untuk meneruskan ceritera-ceritera yang belum tersusun dengan apik, masih terus berkisah agar berbuah dengan manis sebelum hari yang jahat menggulingkan kita dan meninggalkan airmata dan rasa kehilangan yang kejam. Hidup memang soal menemukan tujuan akhir yang indah walau pun kita sudah tahu ke mana hidup akan bermuara pada akhirnya.

Tiga...

Menjelang musim panas, apakah kita pernah berpikir bahwa kita telah memetik buah-buah yang begitu manis dan indah sepanjang dua musim kemarin? Ada waktunya kita merentaskan kehidupan yang manis dan pula harus kembali menjadi gersang, panas, dan melawannya dengan perlahan. Semua orang memiliki kesempatan, asa untuk melawan atau bertahan untuk memiliki kehidupan yang manis. Tapi tidak untuk selamanya menjadi manis. Ada kalanya mereka harus turun dari babak pertandingan dan merenungi diri.

Empat...

Kita telah menjalankan kehidupan dengan sebaik-baiknya. Sebenar-benarnya. Dengan segala macam ceritera dan sisi humanisme yang menghiasi seluruh jalan yang harus memang dijalani. Dengan terjatuh dan bangkit lagi, kita menemukan satu mozaik. Dengan berdiri dan berjalan lagi, kita menuliskan sebuah ceritera. Dengan berjalan dan menikmati, kita sudah menemukan sisi bagaimana kita harus menjalani kehidupan ini sampai pada akhirnya kita akan berkata: inilah saat untuk pergi dan semua tugas sudah dilaksanakan dengan baik.

Jakarta, 29 Desember 2010 | 16.53
A.A. - dalam sebuah inisial

Ode Untuk Bunda

Sepasang kupu-kupu terbang
Hinggap di ubun-ubun, katamu aku manis
Maka ia menaruh dirinya di atas kepalaku

Aku tersipu manis, memanja diri

Ah, bunda... Bunda...
Pandai saja kau memuji anandamu, bukan kemarin sore kita baru berbelanja?

Kau butuh ini untuk pesta temanmu, katamu memberiku pakaian baru
Tak butuh, masih bisa kukenakan baju pesta kemarin

Makanlah sebelum dingin
Dan aku mengabaikan kata dingin
Membiarkannya begitu saja

Dan senja telah datang
Di ujung sana
Aku tahu betapa bahagianya
Aku pernah memiliki kamu
Aku pernah dimiliki kamu
Aku pernah belajar dan diajar untuk jatuh cinta
Aku pernah berbagi dan menerima kasih sayang

Aku pernah menjadi milikmu
Dan akan menjadi kamu





Jakarta, 22 Desember 2010 | 00.16
A.A. - dalam sebuah inisial

Pada Pelabuhan yang Senja

Kemarin...
Hanya ada sekelumit kisah
menanti kepulangan
melepas kepergian
melambaikan tangan
memanggil
merelakan
cuma bagaimana kita menerima
sekelumit kisah itu
menjadi suatu sejarah
yang hanya aku dan kamu tahu
bagaimana menyimpannya dalam kotak kenangan

Hari ini...
aku tahu harus menjadi apa
mungkin memang tak lagi sama
memang tak akan sama
karena hari pun selalu berganti
sebagaimana kita mengurai cerita
meski perih
meski bahagia
meski haru
meski pedih
ini hanyalah soal kita menyimpan kotak kenangan

Esok...
ya, kita tak lagi sama
kita pergi dengan jalannya sendiri
kita melepas langkah kita
kita melepas setapak demi setapak
memilih jalan pergi sendiri
mencari rute pulang masing-masing
karena di ujung penantian
masih akan ada penantian
dan penantian tak bisa berakhir
bila kita masih belum bisa
menerima kehilangan dan mendapatinya
lebih dekat, lebih nyata

Lusa...
kotak kenangan akan berdebu
tapi yang tersimpan akan tetap selalu manis
meski ia terasa pahit

Jakarta, 20 Desember 2010 | 16.27
A.A. - dalam sebuah inisial


PS: Mas Dhave, numpang culik fotomu, kalau kau membuka catatanku ini. Matur tengkyuh :-)

Song of The Open Road

1
AFOOT and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
Strong and content I travel the open road.

The earth, that is sufficient,
I do not want the constellations any nearer,
I know they are very well where they are,
I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,
I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever
I go,
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,
I am fill'd with them, and I will fill them in return.)

2
You road I enter upon and look around, I believe you are not all
that is here,
I believe that much unseen is also here.

Here the profound lesson of reception, nor preference nor denial,
The black with his woolly head, the felon, the diseas'd, the
illiterate person, are not denied;
The birth, the hasting after the physician, the beggar's tramp, the
drunkard's stagger, the laughing party of mechanics,
The escaped youth, the rich person's carriage, the fop, the eloping
couple,
The early market-man, the hearse, the moving of furniture into the
town, the return back from the town,
They pass, I also pass, any thing passes, none can be interdicted,
None but are accepted, none but shall be dear to me.

3
You air that serves me with breath to speak!
You objects that call from diffusion my meanings and give them
shape!
You light that wraps me and all things in delicate equable showers!
You paths worn in the irregular hollows by the roadsides!
I believe you are latent with unseen existences, you are so dear to
me.

You flagg'd walks of the cities! you strong curbs at the edges!
You ferries! you planks and posts of wharves! you timber-lined
side! you distant ships!
You rows of houses! you window-pierc'd facades! you roofs!
You porches and entrances! you copings and iron guards!
You windows whose transparent shells might expose so much!
You doors and ascending steps! you arches!
You gray stones of interminable pavements! you trodden crossings!
From all that has touch'd you I believe you have imparted to
yourselves, and now would impart the same secretly to me,
From the living and the dead you have peopled your impassive
surfaces, and the spirits thereof would be evident and amicable
with me.

4
The earth expanding right hand and left hand,
The picture alive, every part in its best light,
The music falling in where it is wanted, and stopping where it is
not wanted,
The cheerful voice of the public road, the gay fresh sentiment of
the road.

O highway I travel, do you say to me Do not leave me?
Do you say Venture not-if you leave me you are lost?
Do you say I am already prepared, I am well-beaten and undenied,
adhere to me?

O public road, I say back I am not afraid to leave you, yet I love
you,
You express me better than I can express myself,
You shall be more to me than my poem.

I think heroic deeds were all conceiv'd in the open air, and all
free poems also,
I think I could stop here myself and do miracles,
I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever
beholds me shall like me,
I think whoever I see must be happy.

5
From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that
would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are
mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me
I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.

6
Now if a thousand perfect men were to appear it would not amaze me,
Now if a thousand beautiful forms of women appear'd it would not
astonish me.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,
It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.

Here a great personal deed has room,
(Such a deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,
Its effusion of strength and will overwhelms law and mocks all
authority and all argument against it.)

Here is the test of wisdom,
Wisdom is not finally tested in schools,
Wisdom cannot be pass'd from one having it to another not having it,
Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own
proof,
Applies to all stages and objects and qualities and is content,
Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the
excellence of things;
Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes
it out of the soul.

Now I re-examine philosophies and religions,
They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the
spacious clouds and along the landscape and flowing currents.

Here is realization,
Here is a man tallied-he realizes here what he has in him,
The past, the future, majesty, love-if they are vacant of you, you
are vacant of them.

Only the kernel of every object nourishes;
Where is he who tears off the husks for you and me?
Where is he that undoes stratagems and envelopes for you and me?

Here is adhesiveness, it is not previously fashion'd, it is apropos;
Do you know what it is as you pass to be loved by strangers?
Do you know the talk of those turning eye-balls?

7
Here is the efflux of the soul,
The efflux of the soul comes from within through embower'd gates,
ever provoking questions,
These yearnings why are they? these thoughts in the darkness why are
they?
Why are there men and women that while they are nigh me the sunlight
expands my blood?
Why when they leave me do my pennants of joy sink flat and lank?
Why are there trees I never walk under but large and melodious
thoughts descend upon me?
(I think they hang there winter and summer on those trees and always
drop fruit as I pass;)
What is it I interchange so suddenly with strangers?
What with some driver as I ride on the seat by his side?
What with some fisherman drawing his seine by the shore as I walk by
and pause?
What gives me to be free to a woman's and man's good-will? what
gives them to be free to mine?

8
The efflux of the soul is happiness, here is happiness,
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times,
Now it flows unto us, we are rightly charged.

Here rises the fluid and attaching character,
The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of
man and woman,
(The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day
out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet
continually out of itself.)

Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the
love of young and old,
From it falls distill'd the charm that mocks beauty and attainments,
Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.

9
Allons! whoever you are come travel with me!
Traveling with me you find what never tires.

The earth never tires,
The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first, Nature is rude
and incomprehensible at first,
Be not discouraged, keep on, there are divine things well envelop'd,
I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can
tell.

Allons! we must not stop here,
However sweet these laid-up stores, however convenient this dwelling
we cannot remain here,
However shelter'd this port and however calm these waters we must
not anchor here,
However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us we are permitted
to receive it but a little while.

10
Allons! the inducements shall be greater,
We will sail pathless and wild seas,
We will go where winds blow, waves dash, and the Yankee clipper
speeds by under full sail.

Allons! with power, liberty, the earth, the elements,
Health, defiance, gayety, self-esteem, curiosity;
Allons! from all formules!
From your formules, O bat-eyed and materialistic priests.

The stale cadaver blocks up the passage-the burial waits no longer.

Allons! yet take warning!
He traveling with me needs the best blood, thews, endurance,
None may come to the trial till he or she bring courage and health,
Come not here if you have already spent the best of yourself,
Only those may come who come in sweet and determin'd bodies,
No diseas'd person, no rum-drinker or venereal taint is permitted
here.

(I and mine do not convince by arguments, similes, rhymes,
We convince by our presence.)

11
Listen! I will be honest with you,
I do not offer the old smooth prizes, but offer rough new prizes,
These are the days that must happen to you:
You shall not heap up what is call'd riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve,
You but arrive at the city to which you were destin'd, you hardly
settle yourself to satisfaction before you are call'd by an
irresistible call to depart,
You shall be treated to the ironical smiles and mockings of those
who remain behind you,
What beckonings of love you receive you shall only answer with
passionate kisses of parting,
You shall not allow the hold of those who spread their reach'd hands
toward you.

12
Allons! after the great Companions, and to belong to them!
They too are on the road - they are the swift and majestic men - they
are the greatest women,
Enjoyers of calms of seas and storms of seas,
Sailors of many a ship, walkers of many a mile of land,
Habitues of many distant countries, habitues of far-distant
dwellings,
Trusters of men and women, observers of cities, solitary toilers,
Pausers and contemplators of tufts, blossoms, shells of the shore,
Dancers at wedding-dances, kissers of brides, tender helpers of
children, bearers of children,
Soldiers of revolts, standers by gaping graves, lowerers-down of
coffins,
Journeyers over consecutive seasons, over the years, the curious
years each emerging from that which preceded it,
Journeyers as with companions, namely their own diverse phases,
Forth-steppers from the latent unrealized baby-days,
Journeyers gayly with their own youth, journeyers with their bearded
and well-grain'd manhood,
Journeyers with their womanhood, ample, unsurpass'd, content,
Journeyers with their own sublime old age of manhood or womanhood,
Old age, calm, expanded, broad with the haughty breadth of the
universe,
Old age, flowing free with the delicious near-by freedom of death.

13
Allons! to that which is endless as it was beginningless,
To undergo much, tramps of days, rests of nights,
To merge all in the travel they tend to, and the days and nights
they tend to,
Again to merge them in the start of superior journeys,
To see nothing anywhere but what you may reach it and pass it,
To conceive no time, however distant, but what you may reach it and
pass it,
To look up or down no road but it stretches and waits for you,
however long but it stretches and waits for you,
To see no being, not God's or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it, enjoying all without
labor or purchase, abstracting the feast yet not abstracting one
particle of it,
To take the best of the farmer's farm and the rich man's elegant
villa, and the chaste blessings of the well-married couple, and
the fruits of orchards and flowers of gardens,
To take to your use out of the compact cities as you pass through,
To carry buildings and streets with you afterward wherever you go,
To gather the minds of men out of their brains as you encounter
them, to gather the love out of their hearts,
To take your lovers on the road with you, for all that you leave
them behind you,
To know the universe itself as a road, as many roads, as roads for
traveling souls.

All parts away for the progress of souls,
All religion, all solid things, arts, governments-all that was or is
apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and
corners before the procession of souls along the grand roads
of the universe.

Of the progress of the souls of men and women along the grand roads
of the universe, all other progress is the needed emblem and
sustenance.

Forever alive, forever forward,
Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble,
dissatisfied,
Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,
They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go,
But I know that they go toward the best - toward something great.

Whoever you are, come forth! or man or woman come forth!
You must not stay sleeping and dallying there in the house, though
you built it, or though it has been built for you.

Out of the dark confinement! out from behind the screen!
It is useless to protest, I know all and expose it.

Behold through you as bad as the rest,
Through the laughter, dancing, dining, supping, of people,
Inside of dresses and ornaments, inside of those wash'd and trimm'd
faces,
Behold a secret silent loathing and despair.

No husband, no wife, no friend, trusted to hear the confession,
Another self, a duplicate of every one, skulking and hiding it goes,
Formless and wordless through the streets of the cities, polite and
bland in the parlors,
In the cars of railroads, in steamboats, in the public assembly,
Home to the houses of men and women, at the table, in the bedroom,
everywhere,
Smartly attired, countenance smiling, form upright, death under the
breast-bones, hell under the skull-bones,
Under the broadcloth and gloves, under the ribbons and artificial
flowers,
Keeping fair with the customs, speaking not a syllable of itself,
Speaking of any thing else but never of itself.

14
Allons! through struggles and wars!
The goal that was named cannot be countermanded.

Have the past struggles succeeded?
What has succeeded? yourself? your nation? Nature?
Now understand me well - it is provided in the essence of things that
from any fruition of success, no matter what, shall come forth
something to make a greater struggle necessary.

My call is the call of battle, I nourish active rebellion,
He going with me must go well arm'd,
He going with me goes often with spare diet, poverty, angry enemies,
desertions.

15
Allons! the road is before us!
It is safe - I have tried it - my own feet have tried it well - be not
detain'd!
Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the
shelf unopen'd!
Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn'd!
Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!
Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the
court, and the judge expound the law.

Camerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourselp. will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Walt Whitman

Konklusi

Mari berbisnis,
buka lapakmu dengan setia
dari kaki tanah sampai ke ubun-ubun langit
dan tolehkan kepalamu di muka toko
bernas padimu mulai berbumbung
tak perlu serau, kan? - untuk melihat jauhnya radius padimu

ah bagaimana aku bercanda
memang dulu kau berjualan emas
bahkan gaun istrimu dari emas
dan di dompetmu melautlah uang
bukankah horizon selalu menciptakan keajaiban tak terduga

hiperbola aku?
kau katakan ini eulogi?
dari emas menjadi pendulang padi?

ah, mari berbisnis!




Jakarta, 7 Desember 2010 | 9.06
A.A. - dalam sebuah inisial